Fear of Making a Bold Move
Last week I had the honor of working with a group of people who had formed a book club where they supported one another in working through all of the processes in our book; I Release! Create the Life That Makes Your Heart Sing.
It was started a year ago by a woman who attended an event at which I spoke. She had received the book in her goody bag, read it on her plane ride home and promptly formed a book club with her friends.
After getting several book orders from the Minneapolis/St.Paul Area, I wondered light-heartedly, if there was some Releasing Cult in that region that I did not know about. Upon further investigation, I discovered they were all friends of Shelly Issacson, the woman who had been at the event.
I was so touched by this that I offered to do some Releasing with the group whenever they were ready. This had to be one of the best offers I’ve made, as it ended up not only being a transformational love fest, but reconnection with members of my soul family.
What an experience to work with so many committed people who have been using our book to process their own Trauma, Release and get Neutral with the Releasing Process.
Our intention was to write a self-help book in the truest sense of the word, a book that would empower the reader to use our information to heal, so there could be nothing that would prevent them from creating a life that made their heart sing. We selected a list of hindrances we curated over the years that we noticed people had in common.
When a participant in the group asked me where we come up with them, I remembered that we have several more, but in the time-consuming process of writing, we narrowed it down to ten. Thanks to my Minneapolis Family, I’ve decided to write about the other Hindrances to assist the readers of our book to keep going.
Starting with Hindrance 11: FEAR OF MAKING A BOLD MOVE
Often during different times in our life we feel these indicators, I like to call Soul urgings, when we feel the need to experience something beyond our current circumstances. You might even feel in retrospect it was not such a big deal, but at the time it was a totally bold move that took you out of your comfort zone.
Several examples come to mind, like when Hugh left our Spiritual community in Oregon and moved back to Canada. He had some carpentry skills and to make ends meet, he began taking on handyman jobs. He didn’t yet own a vehicle and so he would carry his tools and lumber on the Toronto subway. One day his roommate said, “You need to buy a truck.” Hugh hadn’t realized that he’d been playing a very small game and this was a confront. These days to buy a truck is no big deal, but at the time, with no money, it would take a bold move. He went ahead however and his Canadian Carpentry business took off and was a great success.
Recently a client of mine who was an excellent Business Coach started paying attention to her soul urgings. Even though she was great at what she did, and she made a great income from it, more and more it just wasn’t satisfying to her. It just wasn’t making her heart sing. Things about her industry had turned her off as well.
Although she felt guided towards a spiritual/personal growth direction, what her own industry even refers to in a derogatory way as Woo, she was also concerned with the judgements from her family who were lawyers and doctors. She wondered how much more ridicule was she going to have to face.
The more we released, the more she got neutral and moved into a deeper ability to trust the urgings and began to follow them. She finally made the bold move. When her last coaching client’s contract ended, she didn’t renew it, nor take on any new coaching clients. She was willing to live in the gap without the new work being fully formed, admittedly, a very scary place to be.
Sometimes when Existence steps in and whispers in our ear, stirring up the urgings we can no longer ignore, we have to show Existence we are listening and meet it half way.
Similar to the joke about the man who goes to the top of the mountain and yells at God with all his outrage, “Where’s my million dollars? You promised me a million dollars.” and God answers, “Meet me half way, buy a lottery ticket.” We have to make a bold move to meet Existence half way.
Already clues are showing up for that client indicating that she made the right move. Connections are being made, and a deeper inner trust is developing in her, so she is able to ride out the gap as the old gets dismantled and the new is being formed.
When I was in my late 30’s I was in a relationship that felt more like; I’m alone, you’re alone, it’s a lot better then being lonely, so let’s hook up. One night we were out and as he dropped me off I was compelled to make the bold move and said, “I’m done. I’ve been doing you my whole life, I know what I want, and this ain’t it.” In that moment I felt I would rather be alone then settle for this ‘good enough’ kind of relationship.
Existence heard me and said, “She got it. She means it this time.” The very next day Hugh appeared and asked me out on our first date! That was 33 years ago.
Just the other day, I looked out my window and saw the BLM sign that was put up had been taken down and this old white guy was out there waving the flag. Although I was busy with a full day of sessions, I went out with my own BLM sign and stood on the corner. I was submitted to vile hatred and accusations of being a slut and communist, but soon a neighbor joined me, than another and another. That bold move ended up bringing the community together in a way I’ve never seen before. I’m now meeting neighbors I’ve never known. Other communities from the website NextDoor that heard about it are joining in and offering support. It’s a beautiful thing.
Fear of making a bold move can often be leftover residue from childhood trauma. When we are born we are already wired for authenticity and attachment. Often we have to compromise our authenticity to stay connected. Boldness can compromise connection. You can read more about this in my blog where I go into it more extensively: https://vogesmith.com/beyond-the-warmth-of-the-herd/
As I also shared in Chapter 2 of I Release! It was not uncommon for me to hear, when I was growing up, that I was too much! It was often said in a way to shame me, keep me small. If I had bought into it, it would have hindered me from making all the bold moves I’ve made in my life that have gotten me as far as I am.
So with the following exercises and Releasing Statements I invite you to step boldly where you have not gone before.
EXERCISE:
Set some time to be quiet with yourself. Close your eyes, breathing, drop down into your heart. More specifically, where your heart connects to your spine. This is the place where we are most receptive. Rest there, feeling the breath go in and the breath go out. You may have already been feeling impulses, urgings, that may have been too scary or threatening to listen to. You may have even gotten some visions, or may have found yourself being drawn to certain books or podcasts that seem to stimulate something in you, creating a resonance and curiosity.
Feel into your body and simply say, “I’m ready to hear. What’s next, show me.”
Don’t expect a big Disney production with Angels singing and music and lights blaring. Just allow yourself to stand in the intention that you are ready to hear, to be shown. Continue to follow your curiosity. It may show up by you opening a book and reading one sentence. It may be shown by something someone randomly says to you, that fires those neural pathways that lead you to a stronger YES for yourself.
RELEASING STATEMENTS:
I release the fear of making a bold move.
I release my fear of how bold a move I might have to take.
I release the terror that a bold move I make may cost me love and connection.
I release from my nervous system my pattern and tendency to freeze around making decisions.
I release my pattern and tendency that when I freeze like that, to survey my friends, instead of asking my heart.
I release my fear that I’ll make a bold move and fail anyway.
I release my fear that if I make a bold move, people will think I am too much.
The truth is – I am too much! The world needs my too-muchness. Especially now!
I make a new decision to make the time to connect with something greater than myself and to keep my eyes, ears and heart open for the signs that guide me to my greater good.
And so it is!